A Night in the Union.

I sit here in the Student Union, typing at my computer and tossing an occasional woeful glance at the clean fan blades above my head. It's rare that well though-out pranks fall through, especially when I've been planning them for this long. The last time a prank fell flat like this was back in high school, during the infamous Rapper's Delight Prank.

Back then, the plan was just as premeditated as this one had been. It was simple, quick, and clean - three excellent ingredients for a good prank. It involved two people, some privy knowledge as to the "all-call" code on the DHS intercom system, an old portable CD player, a burnt CD containing the Sugarhill Gang's "Rapper's Delight," some headphones from the Dollar Store, and duct tape. The execution was straight-forward; Hans distracted Mrs. Walker with a pointless question, I breezed by looking purposeful (which, I suppose, I was) and entered into the back room where the morning announcements were made. I drew out the CD player, headphones, and duct tape and set to work. Within twenty seconds, I had taped the headphones to the "talking" end of the phone, hit PLAY on the CD player, and dialed the all-call code. Then came the hang-up; I turned the volume on the CD player all the to one side. The wrong side. Thus, the ding-dong-ding signaling an announcement yielded nothing but dead air waves.

People sometimes ask me what my number one regret in life is. Without hesitation, I cite this prank. It was just so close to being epic.

Now, perched upon a tall chair in the corner of the Union, I can add one more to the list. The clean fan blades taunt me from above. At least I escaped detection.

It was just as smoothly executed. This morning at exactly 2:50am, all the alarm clocks and cellphones in my room want crazy. Five minutes later saw my roommates and I rubbing the sleep out of our eyes and putting on all the necessary gear - warm clothes, bags of dumpstered* confetti, flashlights, and a note reading;

"Feb. 23rd, 2010 -
PLEASE do not turn on the fans until after 8:30pm, they are being re-wired."

At 3:25am, security left the Student Union to go on patrol. One benefit to a small school like CCU is that the security patrols at 3:00am aren't in a big hurry and aren't too observant. Trevor followed the Security truck around with a walkie-talkie while Eli, Phil, and I sprinted from the Ghetto to the Union. I went inside and set to work shutting off all the lights and gaining entrance to the back closet where the fan controls are. A few moments later, Eli and Phil came in through the door carrying a tall ladder. They set it up under the nearest ceiling fan and called out for me to hurry up. I finished picking the lock and hastily shut down all of the fans in the room, then speed-walked over to the waiting ladder.

As I shimmied up the rungs, Phil and Eli took up their posts at opposite sides of the Union, listening to Trevor's incoming reports on Security's whereabouts. Reaching the top of the ladder, I drew out a large bag of hole punches from my coat pocket and set to work. This was where the plan started to fracture. Since the blades are slightly tilted, confetti began sliding off the edges even as I put it on. It didn't help that I was in a big hurry and had adrenaline dancing through my veins. Once the top of all of the blades on the fan had been sufficiently covered with tiny pieces of paper, I climbed down and relocated the ladder.

"Security's over by Beckman," Eli reported. This mean we still had a good amount of time. I repeated the task of climbing the ladder, placing the confetti as carefully as I could, and then relocating until all of the fans had been hit. Just in time.

"He's headed back this way!" Eli said as I folded up the ladder. We paused for a moment to review our work. It was sloppy. A decent amount of confetti covered the floor of the Union. We hastily swept any off of table tops and chairs so it didn't look like it had fallen from high above - perhaps someone would guess that a punk strolled through the building and dropped it our of his pockets as he went.

Perhaps. But as it turns out, perhaps not. Our intended target was 3rd Tuesday Coffeehouse - the monthly showcase of CCU musicians and other artists. It draws a pretty big crowd into the Union, and we were going to turn on the fans in the middle of the second act, dusting everyone with tons of confetti. But sometime during the day, someone connected the dots and looked up at the fans. I passed by the Union at 3:00pm today and saw a custodian on the same ladder I had used the night before, holding a garbage can in one hand and a duster in the other.

Bummer.

So here I sit, looking at all the happy, oblivious people. The first act is wrapping up. I have the lock picking tools for the back closet in my coat pocket still. They have no idea what they avoided.

Oh well. On the plus side, I enjoy 3rd Tuesday just as much as any other CCU student.


Thanks for reading,

-Daniel K





*Dumpstered (adj) - an item obtained from a dumpster. Ex: We ate some dumpstered bread yesterday.

Language.

I wonder if there's a point you can reach where you take nothing for granted. It seems like we're always being encouraged to obtain such a mindset. Parents, pastors, the elderly -- all extol you to avoid taking things for granted. Yet I think if I actually tried to realize how much of a gift everything I have is, my mind would explode. The most fitting illustration I can muster is one of a childhood game that John ad I used to play. We'd pile dirt into a mound and then shove a hose into it and turn the water onto a trickle. We would wait for the water to burst from the dirt and rush in with mud to patch up the hole in the mound. Then we'd wait for it to happen again. And again. I feel like I can realize one instance at a time what a gift things are -- after hearing a particularly moving piece of music, I can be truly thankful for the ability to hear. After a delicious dinner I can fully appreciate my sense of taste. After a good night of pedicabbing, a fat wad of cash in my pocket, I can be thankful for my ability to work. but something always creeps up on me without my noticing.

I bring this up because I have realized something new to be thankful for, something I had never previously considered; Language.

I'm taking a conversational Spanish class this semester. Its kicking my butt. Abut 90% of the class is taught in Spanish (and if it weren't for me, the entire thing would be) which means that I understand anywhere from 10% to 11%. My professor, Prof. Miraval, is from somewhere down south (and I'm not talking Alabama... Im talking south of the Equator) so even his English is entrenched in a thick accent. Occasionally he'll switch to English and it'll take me a few moments before I realize that the shift has taken place.

Prof. Miraval's approach is unique. "I do not teach translations -- I teach es-panish" (his words.) It's a really good approach, but unfortunately I have not taken Spanish since high school. He encourages me to listen to Spanish music, watch Spanish TV shows, read the Bible in Spanish, and get my news from the Spanish version of CNN.

In so doing, and I have been astounded with the concept of language. Prof. Miraval took a look at my Spanish Bible (a version from 1909) and said, "thees ees a good version, but nobody e-speaks like dees anymore." This made me realize that Spanish, just like English, has changed over the years. We don't use words like "thou" and "shall" anymore. In retrospect, I don't know why I didn't assume that the same thing happens in other languages, but Prof. Miraval's comment took me completely by surprise. The Spanish spoken today isn't the same they spoke in 1909. Go figure.

I've also been in awe of the complexity of language. It's really an odd thing if you take the time to turn it over. I'm typing into my keyboard and different squiggly lines are appearing on the screen. Your eye sees the squiggles and then your brain connects them with a sound (although no sound is heard, unless you're reading this out loud right now,) and then you recognize the sound patterns and make sense of what is being said. What?!

Also, think for a moment about the different ways you can say something. If you've read 1984, recall for a moment the conversation Winston has with his colleague during the lunch hour at the Ministry of Truth (forgive my lack of page reference, but I don't have the book with me currently.) Winston's 'friend' is working on the newest addition of the Newspeak dictionary and he's most excited about the elimination of synonyms. Newspeak seeks to reduce everything down to a single word. There would be two ways to express something - the affirmative and the negative. You would say something is "clever" or "unclever." That's it. You couldn't label something "witty" or "really clever." It would either be clever or not. All that to provide an example of the beauty of language. It's not merely a tool to be used, but also an art to be mastered. I proof-read someone's half-assed report on the Holy Roman Empire and dryly correct spelling and grammar mistakes, ignoring the lack of creativity and originality, then open a book by Donald Miller or Emily Bronte and revel in their mastery over the English Language.

And I can't help but wonder, sitting in Spanish class staring blankly at Prof. Miraval as he speaks a mile a minute in Spanish, if some day I'll be able to understand Spanish thoroughly enough to write a blog like this in Spanish. I wonder if I'll ever come to a point where I can read an entire Spanish novel and reflect upon the literary devices and underlying motifs the same way I can when I read "1984." It'd be really awesome if I could.


Thanks for reading,

-Daniel K

X-Treme!

Thanks for watching,

-Daniel K

Viewing the World.

Ever since I came to CCU, I've had a nagging fear in the back of my mind. You see, I have always viewed myself as a seeker of knowledge. Through high school, I prided myself on being able to achieve A's in my classes, on being able to compete with Hans in calculus class and John in English. I love to learn new things, from the correct usage of a semicolon to the formula for rotational volume of a solid to how the Persians defeated the Spartans at the battle of Thermopylae.

When I began investigating Christianity, this didn't change. I remember the time Robbie gave a message in youth group and he mentioned angles. Afterward, I approached him and asked, "God is all-powerful and exists everywhere, right?" He answered in the affirmative. "Well then, why does He need angles? Does He just get tired or bored and so He employs them? Or what?" My hunger for answers found new food in Christianity, because it was something I had never formally learned about before. What is the Trinity? Why was Christ's death necessary? How is Jesus both the Son of God and yet fully God?

After a while of meeting with Robbie, drilling David, and interrogating Stephanie, I came to a place where I was ready to be vulnerable to the doctrines of Christianity. That is, I was ready to begin to show humility and think, "maybe I don't have it all right, and perhaps this Jesus character can help me with some things." This was when I began asking more crucial questions such as "What does it mean to be a Christian? How do you become one? What ramifications would that have on my life?"

I'm guessing most of you know the end of that story (or, rather, the beginning.) So I return to the statement I made in the first paragraph - the nagging fear I've had. Given my background, how my mind works, and my knack for asking questions until the fog is cleared up, I was afraid to go to a Christian University because of an observation I made regarding many Christians. The more I read Christian books, listened to Christian music, attended churches and the like, the more I saw this lurking intellectual fear of secularity among believers.

Christian parents don't want their children reading Harry Potter because they think it's about witchcraft. Pastors are afraid to concede that the Qur'an and the Bible teach similar lessons on few subjects. College students are uneasy about visiting Mosques or Buddhist Temples because they might get brainwashed. Worship leaders don't want to listen to the Beatles or Three Dog Night because they don't exemplify Christian values.* (please read footnote.)

As such, when I departed Nevada for Colorado in August of 2008, I was excited to be sure, but also a tad bit apprehensive. If I asked my economics professor to explain why communism seems to lead to bloodshed, would she respond that it was because communism was from the Devil? If I questioned my history professor on why she thinks America has lasted so long as a democracy, would she answer that it was because God loves America the most? If I was confused about a math problem, would my professors tell me to pray about it? I was concerned that intellectual fear would permeate my college experience.

I think the other day in my World Religions class was when I drove the last nail into that coffin of apprehension.

Since my time here at CCU, I have been relieved to be able to ask more and more questions of my professors and consequently tap into their vast reserves of knowledge and experience. I have seen trace amounts of intellectual fear here at CCU, but sparsely among students and never among the professors. On the contrary, I have been encouraged by multiple professors to explore and learn from such extra-biblical sources as the Qur'an, the Gilgamesh Epic, and the Ramayana. I have learned about the philosophies of Nietzsche, Hitler, and Lenin. I have studied the values of communism and capitalism as well as the shortcomings of the two.

And the other day in World Religions, Dr. Smith really put words to both my fear and my relief. We were discussing the two main methods of exploring religion. Dr. Smith explained that one could look at religion from without - from an objective, removed position. This position would mean studying the demographics of church attendance, the hand positions of people during worship, the movies and books and music that are sought out by the attendees. These dry, objective statistics would yield results, surely. Irrefutable facts about that religion. Yet at the end of the day, what have we really learned about that religion? The second method of studying a religion is from within - immersing yourself in the religion, not being afraid to seek truth and value from the beliefs, and not sitting in the seat of scoffers when faced with a religion's tenants or practices.

"We always study a worldview from within a worldview," Dr. Smith explained, "and the idea that the ultimate form of knowledge - knowledge in its purest form - comes from removed, objective 'science' is in itself a worldview with a definitive beginning and geographic location."

You see, the West is obsessed with natural science. Absolutely consumed by it. And we have this notion that our worldview is the ultimate one, the correct one, the quintessential one. Our view that objective 'science' is the way, the truth, and the life is simply that; our view. And maybe - just maybe - other worldviews out there deserve just as much credibility.

Here I raised the question that perhaps all of those "other" worldviews were simply steps leading us to this one, final, correct worldview. "What I mean to say is," I explained after being called on in class, "maybe this worldview that regards tangible, detectable results as the only way to find truth is the very pinnacle of worldviews, the capstone in human history."

Dr. Smith responded, "And you could certainly argue that. In some areas, this worldview does in fact seem to be at the top of the pyramid. For example, if you take your car to the mechanic, you don't want to hear that there is a demon in the engine. If you ask why the earth spins on its axis, you don't want to hear that it's because God is spinning it on His finger like a basketball. But I would caution you against using this natural science-based approach to all of life's questions."

Like the question of religion. Why does it exist? Or more perplexing, why has it always existed? From as early as we can research, after all, man has engaged in religious practices.

Dr. Smith ended by encouraging us in this way; "Don't assume that by holding a Christian worldview and a Christian set of beliefs, you are losing something in your studies. Don't be fooled into thinking that you cannot fully apprehend knowledge without first conforming to the worldview which proclaims natural science as god. In fact, I submit to you that in many ways, you only run the risk of gaining more because you don't limit your knowledge to what is tangible and testable."

I feel like this entry is getting long enough (and I've spent several days preparing it already,) so I will leave you with that. Expect more to come on this, though.


Thanks for reading,

-Daniel K




*Hear me say that I realize this is by NO means my opinion on ALL pastors, ALL worship leaders, or ALL college students. Such a sweeping generalization would be foolish and naive. I am merely pointing out observations I have made at one time or another over the past few years I have spent in Christian culture. I make it a point in my life to seek out Pastors, worship leaders, college students, etc. who are not afraid of "the world."

New Year.

I think New Year's Eve is my new least favorite holiday.

There. Do you see what I just did? I gave you the end point of today's post. You don't even have the read the rest of this blog, because you already know how it ends.

Still reading? I assumed as much.

You see, when I was a senior in high school, Mr. Rohrer was my AP English Literature teacher. A little while into the school year, we were reading The Curious Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in AP English Lit., when Mr. Rohrer decided to impart unto us some wisdom. We, his oh-so-intelligent class, were complaining about the fact that before the novella was even halfway done, the ending had been revealed. [Spoiler Alert!] You know early on that Jekyll and Hyde are one in the same, and that a potion turns mild-mannered Dr. Jekyll into the unruly and violent Mr. Hyde. The rest of the novella is spent reading through letters and journal entries which trace the circumstances which lead Jekyll to become Hyde.

Mr. Rohrer explained it as such;

A lot of people know when they pick up the novella that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde are one in the same. Before they crack open the pages, the reader is aware that Jekyll creates a potion which turns him into Mr. Hyde. What matters is not so much how the story ends as how the characters get to that end. Thus, a majority of the novella is dedicated to describing how Jekyll became Hyde, and not working towards revealing that the two are one in the same.

Contrary to New Year's Eve, I think this is one of my favorite concepts. What matters in my life is not so much how it ends as how I get to that end. I already have a pretty good idea of how my life will end. That's not the kicker. The real mystery is how I get there. What leads me to my death? Is it greed? Love? Adventure? Apathy?

This may seem like a rather morbid way of thinking about things, but go ahead and take a minute or two to consider what you want to lead you to your death. Because [Spoiler Alert!] you're going to die, and I don't believe that's what's important here.

If I just give you the end; "I think New Year's Eve is my new least favorite holiday," and not the middle -- not what led me to that conclusion -- it all seems like a letdown, doesn't it?

Thanks for Reading,

-Daniel K