I wake up because I hear a door slamming. I sit up and glance at my alarm clock - 10:00am. I roll out of bed and almost trip over a pile of discarded clothes. I go and immediately use mouthwash to get that nasty "I ate Oreos before bed and forgot to brush and now they've grown mold on my back teeth" taste out of my mouth. I go over to my window and pull up the blinds. Muted, overcast sunlight meets my eyes as I look out over the campus. (Here's where the dream aspect kicks in, because everytime it's different...) Sometimes I see tall, stately oak trees lining the roadway up to my dorm. Sometimes it's the ocean lazily sliding wave after wave at the shoreline beneath me. Or maybe towering mountains covered in crisp snow, or a sprawling cityscape full of every shape and color imaginable, or rocky hills sprouting scrub brush and cactus.
I turn as the door opens again, and my roommate strolls over to snatch up his laptop which he apparently forgot. I smile and give a nod in greeting, which he returns before pulling an about-face and booking it for the door. Probably late for his study group or something.
"Tonight, 9:00 sharp!" I call after him as he whisks down the hall, not bothering to shut the door in his hurry. He calls an affirmative over his shoulder and dissapears into the elavator. I can't wait for that night for some reason - maybe we're planning a prank, or a run, or a visit to somewhere off campus, or what have you... either way, it'll be great.
I grab clothes from an open drawer and head for the shower - I have a class of some sort this morning, too. My mind wanders as I make my way through the halls of my dorm... my permanent hotel... my house. The passages and rooms are full of colorful characters from all walks of life. Brimming with a plethora of music, languages, hairstyles, interests, fashions, and expectations. I nod and smile at most, high-five some, avoid the gaze of others.
After cleaning up, I stroll back to my room and finish getting ready for the day. My iPod is a must, the headphones wrapped tightly around it. Next comes my wallet, boasting my snazzy campus ID and dorm-access card. I probably don't have a cellphone, because I don't feel like paying the bills. My keyring, now missing my Nevada house key and car keys, can stay on my bedside table because I won't be using my bike lock or motorcycle today.
I make my way downstairs (I'm not a fan of elevators,) unwinding and inserting my headphones as I go out to the front of the building. I make a detour past my motorcycle out of habit, though I know that campus security patrols the parking lots at night. Finally, books slung over my shoulder and "Made to Worship" being piped into my ears from my iPod, I head off into the unknown campus to attend some unknown class with an unknown professor at an unknown time, in an unknown city and in an unknown state.
It seems like everytime my mind drifts, it plays these few minutes of thought over and over and over. I can't wait, as most of you know. I don't want to sound like a jerk or a whining kid or anything, but I really can't wait to get out of Dayton. Don't get me wrong - it's been great. I love the freezing winters up at Mt. Rose and the scolding summers here in the valley. I love hanging out with all of my friends, learning and growing together through adventure after adventure. I love going to basketball or football games. I love (although I'll admit I'm not always great at showing it,) the teachers, the parents and my fellow students at DHS. I love marching in the band, making dumb math jokes, doing pranks, ghost hunting, watching Wayne's World in Miller's room, going to see movies at the crappy Carson Theater, sneaking texts in class, goofing around during lunch, singing "Build Me Up Buttercup," camping at the Dayton State Park, climbing old gross water towers, messing with cones during road construction, breaking curfew, worshipping at Crave, sweating my eyes out during sports practices, nailing all those fills during "Pretty Fly For a White Guy," and so much more.
But I just can't wait to move on out of Dayton and start my new life.
We recieved these little calendars at the Freshman orientation yesterday which are totally up my alley - they're about 5" x 5", and show the dates of every school day this year, as well as all of the days off for breaks and holidays. (Sweet!) So looking at it the other day, I came to a logical realization... I only have 25 square inches left of high school! As weird as that sounds, I'm so psyched!
Alas, (I don't get to use that word often enough,) I need to think here. I know God wants me to have hope and feel joy and love these things, but I need to be careful. I was talking with Robbie the other day, and I told him how weirded out I am. "I've dedicated myself to God's will," I explained, "but I'm not too keen on God's timing. I keep telling God, 'no, seriously... if you tell me where you want me to go to college now, I can get in my application early and start e-mailing people and all this sweet stuff!'" And Robbie said something awesome. He smiled and told me, "Yeah, but I bet God's up there going, 'no, you don't get it, because if I tell you this or that now, then you'll take your focus off this thing or that person, and that's not what I want.'"
So processing that, I've decided that I don't want to miss out on the opportunities before me. I can't take my focus off the people or places around me this school year. I can't blow off everyone in Dayton for hopes of the people in Colorado or Oregon or California or anywhere else.
Some songs came to mind while thinking about this...
"Shine your light
and let the whole world see,
we're singing
for the glory of the Risen King."
-Mighty To Save
"Lift my hand and spin around,
see this light that I ave found
Oh the marvelous light, marvelous light,
it's Christ in me"
-Marvelous light
This year, I want to be that beacon of Jesus' light to those around me. I want to give hope, comfort, joy, conviction, whatever. I want to use my music, my writing, my speaking, my actions, and so much more to reflect Jesus. I've had the most incredible 6 months in my life, and it's all because of Him... It would be amazingly selfish of me to keep that inside.
Please, please, please, hold me to this. I know I'll stumble and fall flat on my face. I know I'll screw it up and say something wrong. I know I'll pull a Daniel and do stupid stuff in front of the wrong people. I know I'll be discouraged, disheartened, shot down, told off, and what have you. I know this because it's who I am - who we are. But I know that the most beautiful thing of all is this: when I trip and eat it into the dirt, God will be there to pick me up and dust me off. He'll be there when no one else is. He'll be there to wipe every tear from my eyes.
Praise God!
And then after this year - college! :)
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