Pastor jack stands in front of the congregation, hands in the air, praying aloud for all to hear. Jeff stands in front of me on the stage (behind Jack) "noodling"* lightly on his guitar. To my right are our two vocalists, to my left are our guitar player and bassit.** Everyone in the room is unnaturally still and quiet save for Pastor Jack, still praying, and Jeff, bent over his guitar plucking strings. I sit on the semi-uncomfotable stool of my drum set, sticks in hands and anticipation rising along with the volume of Jeff's noodling.
Mr. Delphin stands in front of the graduating class, parents, faculty, and administrators, babbling on about something or another. I sit below him in the grass, trying to catch Stephanie's eye as she looks up at Mr. Delphin. My drum sticks sit waiting on my snare. To my right are all my fellow percussionists, staring blankly up at the principal. To my left are my senior friends, sitting in thier graduation robes waiting.
As Jack wraps up his prayer, Jeff's noodling shifts ever so subtly into the opening riff of "God of Wonders." Our guitarist comes in with him, layering on the melody. I can hardly wait for the few measures of intro to get over so that I can start playing, but I know that it's necessary in order to make the song sound good. Finally, I come in with a kick drum/snare beat. As Jeff begins vocals.
Boom
Crack
Boom Boom
Crack
"...graduated class of 2007!" Everyone applauds as Mr. Delphin wraps up, and Mrs. Bum gives me wild-eyed looked that warns me to take my focus off Stephanie and onto the music in front of me. I grudgingly begin to play "Recessional" as the graduates smile, high-five, laugh, joke, and throw beach balls. Then, starting on the far right, they begin to file out of their seats. I can't help but smile now as I look on - they did it! They're done! They've got their lives to start living! Huzzah! I try my hardest not to rush the beat of the song, fighting back the urge to yell and cheer and clap along with all the parents and teachers. There they go! Stephanie and John and Diana and Melissa and Michelle and Doug and Amy and Rachel and Dallas and Nicole and everyone else. Everyone I hung out with this year. Everyone I walked with, joked around with, shared laughter and tears. But I couldn't go this time, I realized. I couldn't partake in this. I had to stay back, watch, wait. I had been racing along with them, barreling towards the stoplight. But drawing closer, it had flicked from green to yellow. they pushed on, but I went to the brakes. And as the light hit red, they shot off unhampered. I sit at the line, waiting for it to turn again.
"And I spent last night,
tearing down,
every stoplight,
and stop sign in this town,
so I think there might,
be no way to stop me now..."
-Relient K, "I So Hate Consequences."
I force myself to stop thinking about other songs, as that will surely skew my beat. After the opening lines, I throw out the first crash of the song, and revel in the amazing noise of the finely tuned metal. I add eighth notes on the closed hi-hat as we get into the real feel for the song. The congregation stands and tentatively begins to sing along with Jeff and the other vocalists. I don't much like the feeling I get at this point - I've moved passed the opening (where I'm most excited and anxious,) and have got the 'ball rolling' on the song, but it's still not what it should be quite yet.
The night after graduation was, of course, Grad Night. That night was one of the most remarkable of my summer. I know only one person who would be reading this blog who fully knows how much it means to me, and I want to say, once again, thank you. I reveled in the amazing memories if that night through the next week. I didn't like Boys' State at first, because I had moved past the beginning of the summer - past all the excitement of the end of school and the anxiety of becoming a Senior. Summer just wasn't... summer... quite yet.
But as the tune drives on, Jeff comes in once again on vocals. This time he sings the chorus... the most remembered words of the song... I switch to the ride cymbal and just cruise along with the tempo, throwing out an occasional crash and snare accent. I always love these little add-ons... they're what turn a run-of-the-mill drum beat into an excellent-sounding rhythm. I close my eyes and let the overwhelming feelings of the song flow over me. Thank you, God, for this.
I finally got 'warmed up' to Boys' State and I actually had a lot of fun the last few days. Upon returning, I had a some time to rest before I hopped on my motorcycle and cruised across Nevada with my dad and uncle. Endless, painted deserts*** surrounded us as we raced through the sweltering heat of the ET Highway, piling miles onto our bikes as if they were layers of wax. After the ride I barely had time to wash clothes before I went to Hume Lake... the most remembered part of my summer... I want never to forget that blissful week. Worshipping God beneath a night sky that was blue like jazz,*** yelling at the top of my lungs "THORLAK! THORLAK!" Running around the foggy morning waters of the lake, holding Stephanie's hand in mine as we meandered together around the camp, getting creeped out by stumbling on a submerged pipe, shouting the words to "Salvation is Here" along with hundreds of others who love Jesus with all their hearts, sitting around a campfire listening to Robbie and Johnny lay down some major theological debates, muttering "aha, you fool" as I walk past David, staying up late (not watching TV or playing video games, but reading my bible with Aaron, Kenny, and David,) dropping my sister's camera while trying to get a picture of Stephanie making a funny face, ridiculous rec games that somehow got me laughing and frustrated at the same time, dipping my feet into the hot sand at the volleyball courts while watching Aaron spike the ball at Robbie, standing in line for lunch, having Stephanie sneak up behind me and throw her arms around me (I always love these little things she does. They're what turn a run-of-the-mill day into a truly excellent memory), Steve's quirky, sometimes annoying, sometimes convicting messages every night, and so, so much more. Thank you, God, for that.
The congregation begins to dissipate as Jeff pauses from the lyrics to bid them farewell and God bless, and then returns his attention to us as we begin to rock out to the buildup phase of the song. I start on a closed hi-hat, slowly working my foot off the pedal so as to let it ring more and more. Soon it's attained almost the same sound as the crash, so I lay down a fill and then shift to riding my crash cymbal. I never used to like riding the crash - I thought it was kinda annoying, since it was so loud and rang so much. But I also used to be (and I still kinda am,) a very conservative drummer, meaning I stayed quiet and left all the fancy stuff to the other instruments. But now I can really see the beauty of crash riding. I see how it's like a step above the hi-hat. I understand how it's full, loud sound perfectly compliments the furious strumming of Jeff's hands and the impassioned singing of the others. It's beautiful.
After Hume, I had about a month of doing nothing but running cross country, working, and going to "The Crave." It was during this time that God really began revealing to me something that's amazing beyond words. I had never truly believed in love, you see. I had been more than a little turned-off to the idea of love through endless school drama and people saying, "I'm in love!" Over and over to different people (sometimes not even a month apart...) I mean sure, I cared for Mom and Sarah and Jake and Dad and my friends, but I was confused and sceptical about this whole "love" shimdig. But then God blessed me with Stephanie. Donald Miller**** once wrote that "love is like Heaven in that you care for someone else more than yourself." Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself. Every one's always talking about putting others' needs before your own. But I had never felt a passion to do that kind of stuff. I'd do things for people that inconvenienced me, but looking back, it was more to gain favor or a better reputation. Stephanie is 100% different. I would find myself going out of my way to do stuff that would make her happy. I didn't care what others thought or what I wanted, because... I dunno... because she meant more to me that myself. Crazy, huh? It was like God was coaxing my eyes open, whispering "Look, son. Now do you understand?" And I did. I saw that God is love. I saw His great love for us echoed through my own love for Stephanie. I understood what heaven will look like. I saw how love compliments God's brilliant, careful work and His people's impassioned actions. It's beautiful.
As only a few people remain in the audience now, I decide to try a little craziness. Fueled by the raw emotion of the song, I begin throwing in frequent fills and taking risks I wouldn't normally take if in front of a large audience (see? Told you I'm still conservative...) It was ridiculous fun. I was smiling now, and I looked up at Jeff to see him wide-eyed and mouthing "you're speeding it up! Slow down!" My stomach turned over for a second. I hate when I screw up the tempo, since that's, like, drummer 101. I lock eyes with Jeff as he bobs his head to what the tempo should be. Slowly, I work my way back down to "the groove" of the song. I was kinda annoyed, because I hadn't sped it up that much. But Jeff had noticed it, and that's what makes him a good musician - he sends us in the ways we need to go for the betterment of the band's sound, even in we don't understand why he does it.
The mission trip. We stayed in Vallejo, California, in the First baptist Church of Vallejo. It was, without a doubt, pure craziness. From the get-go, God was working in amazing and frightening ways. Not only were we out in the slums of San Fransisco handing out food and talking with homeless people, but we fasted for a day, helped barbecue food, unloaded and sorted through supplies for the church, and cleaned up the place. By the end of that day, we were all mentally, emotionally, and spiritually beat. It was something else, lemme tell you. And it was also during this time that God began to send me in a way that I don't understand. I had never been really, truly mad at God before. I had been having the "feel good" experiences with him thus far. The "worshipping under a night sky that was blue like jazz" moments. Now I was having a hard time. I didn't understand - I still don't. I was, well, pissed. "Why? Why, God? Why do these things to me? Why take these people away from me? Why allow this sort of pain into my life? This pain that makes me long for the pain I had when I cleanly snapped both bones in my wrist?" But that's what makes Him a good Father - He sends us in ways for the betterment of His glory, even if we don't understand why He does it.
As we head into the home stretch of the song, I get a peculiar feeling in my stomach. It's that feeling of mixed joy and dread that I get when I finish an excellent novel, or the feeling that comes en mass on the last day of school. The feeling that tells me it's almost over, but man has it been amazing. We enter the last bars of the song and I throw out a spectacular fill***** to end it, landing my final blow on the crash cymbal. My eyes are almost full of tears as memories of this summer blaze by me. I sit still and silent as Jeff smiles and thanks everyone for playing and as my mind races at mach 60. In less than 24 hours, I'll be back in school. I'll be a senior in the graduating class of 2008. I'll have a year's worth of awesome ahead of me, but man has this summer been amazing.
Thanks for reading,
Daniel K
*"Noodling" is where the guitarist plays melodic notes to give a background-type-feel to the ambiance.
**Sorry, I'm terrible with names, and I don't remember our vocalist's, guitarist's, or bassist's.
***I wish I could take credit for these awesome terms, but they in fact belong to Donald Miller, the amazing author of "Blue Like Jazz," "Through Painted Deserts," "Searching For God Knows What," and "To Own a Dragon." Check him out sometime, because he's worth it.
****Same guy as mentioned above. He's the bomb.
*****I hope I don't sound conceited (not conceded) here... I just mean that it was the finale part.
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