It was silent - a wintery kind of silent that reminds me of somewhere way up north where you can go and listen to glaciers slither over the earth. The only sounds trespassing on the still air were the pounding of our feet and the hissing of our breath. Still about two miles from our turnaround point, I was in a resigned state of mind, thoughts bouncing aimlessly through my head the way they always do on long runs.
Mr. Anderson's voice disrupted the pattern of noises. "So you're really going to give up all that money just to go out of state for college?" He inquired. It was his sort-of-a-challenge-but-not-really voice, a voice that anyone who took his calculus class would recognize.
He was picking up the conversation from a few minutes ago... the conversation during which he told me I had no room to complain about "achievement" scholarships asking for my parents' salaries, since I had decided to attend a much more expensive out of state school.
"Yeah," I answered shortly. I knew that arguing would only lead to another conversational stalemate. I wondered why he seemed to work towards those so often.
"I mean, it's that important that you leave now, and not just wait four years to get out of here?"
"Pretty much," I continued in my trend of few words.
"That's ridiculous." A classic Mr. Anderson... he's rarely afraid to speak his mind.
"I guess," I replied, "I mean it's not like I just threw a dart at a map and said, 'I'm going to college there,' you know? I have my reasons for leaving."
"Oh yeah?" it was his turn to be brief.
"Yeah." I could have left it there. I really could have. But I decided to humor him. "I was born in Carson City, you know? And I've been in Dayton since kindergarten. I just can't imagine going to college, the thing I've been working towards this whole time, at a place 50 miles from here."
"That's it? You just want to leave?"
"That's part of it, yeah."
"What else?"
"Well, CCU offers some majors I'm really interested it."
"Like what?"
"English with an emphasis on creative writing, first off - "
"Every college in America will offer that," he interrupted. I kept going.
"Business Administration is another possibility. And Biblical Studies."
"Mmm-hmm. Well so far the only valid reason you have is the Christian thing."
"Alright." I was back on the defensive.
-
Look, here's the deal. I cannot wait to get out of Nevada. I've said it a million times, I'm sure. However, it's a double edged sword. I am dreading leaving everyone I know. I honestly can't imagine a math class without Hans, a lunch run to Taco Bell without John, or an english class without "the gang" around to complain about terrible books. I'm going to hate having to figure out the comings and goings of a completely foreign place, and quite frankly I'm not too thrilled about confining my conversations with my good friends to iChats or Myspace messages.
But the allure to step out of the house and swing my hardest, to join in the dance that is life on my own, to go to a place where I will need, more than ever before, the guidance of God... the allure to go... rises in me like a tumultuous noise, covering up all my doubts and concerns.
-
I was talking to my dad earlier over dinner. There are rumors floating around that my brother is looking at getting married soon. I mentioned that it's a trip to think about Jake being married. My dad said he has seen it coming for a while.
"Oh yeah?" I responded to his statement. I mean, Jake and Kristin have been dating forever, but I guess marriage never crossed my mind.
"Yup. Life is very predictable. We don't like to admit it, but it really is," he said.
Life is very predictable?
-
My mom has this thing she says a lot nowadays. I'll complain about all my hard earned money going to tuition and the little bit left over being divided between gas, motorcycle insurance, and an occasional dinner with friends.
"Welcome to life," she'll say.
It's like her new go-to saying. Gas prices really high? Welcome to life. Miss hanging out with friends because you had to work overtime? Welcome to life. Lose your iPod headphones?
Welcome to life.
-
I don't know a lot about life... I'll be the first to admit that. I'm not sure how to become a millionaire, I don't know how to sew, and I'm not too great at writing poems. But I do know some things... a lot more than I think people want to believe.
For example, I know that whether you believe in God or not, He calls everyone to something different. Can you imagine if the apostle Paul had stayed close to home after becoming a Christian? And yet, what if Martin Luther King Jr. had left America immediately after graduating? People hear me talking about leaving and I get the feeling that they think I'm insinuating that if you stay here, you're wasting your life. That's far from the truth. It's just that I feel if I stay here, I'd be wasting my life... or at least my life's full potential.
I also know that I am not going to live a life that is "very predictable" or all about just getting through. My life is not going to be about paying bills and buying a nice car, or about working all the time to support my own agenda.
My life is going to be a life of living for the will of the One who created me. And trust me when I say that He does not write predictable stories.
Thanks for reading.
-Daniel
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